This was going to be a political blog.

But I'm too tired. Politics can wait for tomorrow...or the day after that.

Life keeps getting shorter and shorter. Two of my friends are getting married before the year ends, someone "too young" recently died, and there just isn't enough time in the day.

Someone I work with spent the summer in Nicaragua and Costa Rica and asked me if I had been out of the country.

I haven't...and for a while I was desperate to.

Its way too easy to get caught up in the monotony and daily stuff and forget that you're even living.

I'm tired of waking up at 6 and then going to school, then from school to work, work to home...and by the time I'm home its almost 8...so I eat and sleep and wake up again.

I'm discontent and its a good thing. Discontent can lead to some good changes.

Life can be so vanilla and I love chocolate swirl with the occasional peanut butter cup.

Here I am once again.

I'm in recovery.
Three P's have plagued my life.
People Pleasing, Perfectionism and Procrastinating.

Psh. is my favorite "word". Its not actually in the dictionary.

There is currently a disconnect between my heart and my head. I hate it.

Yes, I did say I would blog more.

sit down for awhile
let us be
transparent
for a little
talk things over
just you an' me
no masks
no fear
just us
honestly
ourselves

I get tired of hearing myself think. I like to hear people's unhindered thoughts. The random "whatevers" they're thinking of. It doesn't have to be perfect. It just has to be you.

Mine right now: I'm thinking that what I've been mistaking for shyness is really fear. Honestly I'm a scared person.

Here is an invitation to be yourself. What's on your mind?

New things.

I like new things...new journals, new music, new friends, new sewing patterns, new rifles,oh...and new goats.

Empty journals have this freshness...no torn pages, tear drops, angry rants or temper tantrums. There is so much hope in a new journal. I finished two journals this month. One of them I've used for over five years. Its fun (and embarrassing) to see how much I've grown up. Hindsight is 20/20.

New music is a given. pandora.com is pretty cool....thanks to Marisa!

New friends is more obvious than music. I like my Spanish class a lot. When you see people four days a week at 7:45 am and attempt to learn a new language you get to know them pretty well.

New sewing patterns are addicting for me. "OOh a sale! Only a dollar for a pattern?" Awesome, I'll buy a ton and make one.

New rifles...the range is getting some more and I get to break them in! yay. Long term, this is cool 'cause they only have two of the kind that most of us serious folk use...and they're getting more of 'em soon.

Speaking of new goats...(how subtle) Rose had two girls tonight. It was terrifying, but oh so rewarding. The first girl's name is California Twilight...the second one is still being figured out. Pictures are posted on facebook y myspace.

Thats all.

3 AM and I'm still awake writing a blog.

I wrote this really sad blog...but it was depressing...and not actually what I planned on saying.

I like psychology, by the way. Just thought I'd clear that up. Actually I have a feeling I'm really more into sociology, but I haven't taken a sociology class yet so I don't really know.

Guess what?? I'm going on a trip and goats are not involved! I don't really go on vacation these days....but this is a vacation!

I lost my phone...and I seriously cannot find it anywhere. I hope no one tried to call me....maybe I just dropped it outside?

I think I should go to sleep. Forget what I was planning on saying, 'cause I pretty much did. This is not good.

Have a good day!

Thoughts on the fifteenth day of a new year

I'm a huge fan of used book sales.
Sunday I found the almost complete (possibly first edition) Elsie Dinsmore series. I'm not huge on Elsie...she was too perfect and later on she names her children after people who are still alive and actively involved in the series. Of course there is no distinction between the Elsie, Edwards and Horaces. Still I showed them to my sister and she got very excited. Now we just have to figure out where they are going to go.

My big personal find was a book called the Pocket Shakespeare. It has seven complete plays and memorable quotes from others. It has sonnet and songs and all sorts of good things. All for one dollar!! I've really been enjoying it. I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed Shakespeare. I read Julius Caesar when I was ten and loved it...I saw the Taming of the Shrew at a Shakespeare Festival when I was fourteen. I'm so excited!

I was going to say more, but there is a little dog in my house that is being stalked by my cat. I'm praying this will not end in a showdown. More later...

The way I am [right now]

I grew up a lot in the past almost six months since graduation.
I'm closer with God now...but I was so ready to turn my back on Him and I wonder what the heck I was thinking. I'm cynical when it comes to most guys...my personal opinion is that most of them just want sex and will say all the right things, push all the right buttons to get it. I lost a "best friend" for unstated reasons...my brother was really sick...my mom was in a car accident...my sister's car broke down in monterey...still God is with me. He gives me joy...a reason to smile. Through all this, little signs show up displaying His love. I couldn't even explain them, or how I know they're from Him. I just do.

I don't understand matters of love. I can't read my own heart these days-its awfully secretive. I'm accepting it.

Thats all. The unspecific details laid out here for viewing.

Have a great day. Happy Thanksgiving...don't forget the true meaning of the holiday.