Growing up.

I'd rather not grow up anymore.

I like this whole maturing thing, but the expectations that go with it are annoying.

I'm comfortable and happy with where I am right now.

Yes, I live at home.

Yes, I'm at a Community College (oh, *gasp!*)

Yes, at I work at a place that many teenagers do as well.

No, I don't really have a set major.

No, I don't have a clue what I'm going to do with myself in one week so asking me my plans for 10 years from now isn't going to help!

I've discovered that I can transfer to a 4 year college next year. It's very exciting but sort of freaking me out too. The idea of eventually graduating is looming.

Happy New Year!

My first post of the new year! Nevermind the fact that its February.

Life...life...life...is complicated. Things were simpler before December. Simpler before Monday.

My jamba store closed in December and I was very very sad. I loved coming to work. My co-workers were awesome, manager was super-chill, we were winning a promotion...life was good.
Oh yeah, we were barely making any money...but thats beside the point. I had the best job.
So we were closed the 22nd with no warning really. It was a sad day.

So I got transferred about a month ago to this high volume store not too far from where I go to school. Its been a huuuuuge adjustment. I like rain for even more reasons now.

School started Monday. I was taking 17 units, but I was overwhelmed by the amount of hw I had just that first day and dropped my 5 unit class. Now I'm down to the obligatory 12 units.
I like all my classes so far.

I got some bad news Monday night. My life...my family is going to be dramatically changed by this...but I have peace. I made a conscious decision to give all of this to God. I trust that he can handle it.

There have been good things this year. On Tuesday my old Human Anatomy teacher asked my friend and I if we wanted to housesit for her while she teaches field school over spring break.

It rained...and I love the rain. I went for a 45 min walk in the rain and loved every minute of it.

You only live once.

Worthless.

I am liar. I keep saying that I'll blog more, but I never seem to find anything worth saying.
This blog is worthless...but its okay!

So, yes. This isn't really worth saying...but its funny.

So I get hypnogogic (before I fall asleep) hallucinations when I'm too stressed and/or not getting enough sleep. Usually it involves a giant spider, or some crustacean. One time there was a jelly fish.
So last night, I was a little stressed about my last anatomy practical exam that was today. It was on the Urinary, Reproductive and Nervous systems.

I hallucinated about a green embryonic brain. It had eyes too. I apparently screamed really loud. My mom said that I kept repeating, "Its enormous!" over and over again and pointing in the general direction.

Human Anatomy is hazardous to your mental health.

Today I saw (hopefully) my last cadaver (at least for a little while)! I will not miss the smell. I am however grateful to the people who donated their bodies so that I could learn. It really does wonders to be able to see how everything is put together. Sure, I'm not so happy when I'm attempting to ID some random blood vessel in the body and accidentally take a deep breath....but really.
(Sorry, Fred) Models can only teach you so much.

I really can't wait until Tuesday. I feel like just passing this class is a huge accomplishment!

Giving 100% or something

all or nothing.
no holding back.
running forward
with
everything i am.

I wish I could say that I was. I'm at this point where I can't focus on one thing. I thought I could multi-task, but now I'm just a scatterbrain.

I have too many commitments and I'm not ready to cut any of them.

I used to write so much. I had a novel in progress, poems came naturally, writing was like therapy for me. Suddenly it all diminished. I used to think that it was a curse and that I was tied to a pen and paper. I miss it. I can't even journal properly. It sucks.

This was going to be a political blog.

But I'm too tired. Politics can wait for tomorrow...or the day after that.

Life keeps getting shorter and shorter. Two of my friends are getting married before the year ends, someone "too young" recently died, and there just isn't enough time in the day.

Someone I work with spent the summer in Nicaragua and Costa Rica and asked me if I had been out of the country.

I haven't...and for a while I was desperate to.

Its way too easy to get caught up in the monotony and daily stuff and forget that you're even living.

I'm tired of waking up at 6 and then going to school, then from school to work, work to home...and by the time I'm home its almost 8...so I eat and sleep and wake up again.

I'm discontent and its a good thing. Discontent can lead to some good changes.

Life can be so vanilla and I love chocolate swirl with the occasional peanut butter cup.

Here I am once again.

I'm in recovery.
Three P's have plagued my life.
People Pleasing, Perfectionism and Procrastinating.

Psh. is my favorite "word". Its not actually in the dictionary.

There is currently a disconnect between my heart and my head. I hate it.

Yes, I did say I would blog more.

sit down for awhile
let us be
transparent
for a little
talk things over
just you an' me
no masks
no fear
just us
honestly
ourselves

I get tired of hearing myself think. I like to hear people's unhindered thoughts. The random "whatevers" they're thinking of. It doesn't have to be perfect. It just has to be you.

Mine right now: I'm thinking that what I've been mistaking for shyness is really fear. Honestly I'm a scared person.

Here is an invitation to be yourself. What's on your mind?