Too much thinking...and still no conclusions

Watch out...the rambling is here.

I am frustrated with a few people at the moment but mostly with myself.

WHY?? Why?

I am angry because I sit on the sidelines. I watch...I'm a spectator and I feel stuck there.

I am capable...I know I am. I settled on the social ladder and now it feels like I'll never get off this rung.

I'm president of my 4-H club. I talk a tonnnn. I go up to people and talk to them. So why?

God, why?

and why do I feel the need to keep a facade that this is all ok with me.
people always think i'm fine because i act like i am. i don't want to walk around all mopey...but i'm tired of being a hypocrite. i really don't know what i should do...blaahblah.

gahh. i'm so confused.
i don't even know what i'm thinking anymore.